Love is…..

Love inexplainable

 

 

Love is 24/7, not JUST Valentine’s Day!

 

 

 

 

There’s truly NOTHING better than LOVE!

The feel…..

The sound….

The look….

The touch of LOVE!

Unfortunately LOVE seems to be elusive for many yet sought by all!  Let me challenge you this Valentine’s Day 2014 to first figure out how to love yourself and in that you will ALWAYS be surrounded by LOVE!

Happy Valentines

 

In the end, only 3 things matter:  how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let got of things not meant for you.  ~ Buddha

Coping your way to a Well-Heeled Soul

LIFE….she’s a crazy broad that’s for sure.

Temperamental. Spiteful.  Comedian.  Full of surprises, tests, and pop quizzes.

Always finding a way to throw a monkey wrench in your plans.

Life most certainly has a strange sense of humor but SHE (as I’m certain LIFE is a woman) always has a way of showing up on your doorstep when you most need her, least expect her, or just plain not prepared to deal with her.  To anyone who thinks that LIFE only happens to them especially when that LIFE is less than desirable or uncomfortable or painful really needs a reality check.

We often ‘think’ we are the only ones being handed a pile of shambles but the truth is of course that at any given time everyone is carrying a load – just different in weight, size, shape, etc.   The difference is all in how we deal with it the WHAT that is happening to us.  Just like dealing with any living, breathing woman, if you smile, wave and keep it moving you’ll always keep em guessing but asking ‘her’ why she doesn’t like you and why is she always visiting will only make things awkward, more uncomfortable and never solve for X.

If I’ve learned nothing in my life (life of a woman of a particular age) it is that we must figure out how best to deal with LIFE’s peaks and valleys in order to be our best selves.  To weather the storms, peaks and valleys we MUST learn how to cope in the midst of.

Coping:  In psychology, coping is expending conscious effort to solve personal and interpersonal problems, and seeking to master, minimize or tolerate stress or conflict.

Being a relatively rational, logical and even-keeled person (so I’ve heard and believe myself to be), I have wholeheartedly accepted that at any given time, life will come along and throw an entire monkey wrench into my world.  The process I take is always to embrace what is happening so I can deal with it realistically, acknowledge HOW I feel about so I can cry, get mad, have a cocktail (lol), pep talk, pound my fist, and then strap up my stilettos and strategize my resolution.  Above all else, I thank God and the universe that whatever has occurred was not worse – as things can ALWAYS be worse than what is – (i.e., nail in my tire enroute to an out of town function only to realize it because I chose to get gas prior to getting dressed and on the road for my trip.  My entire plan had to be revamped on the fly at the last minute – to include getting a rental car as it was a Saturday just prior to me departing and the tire – under warranty – needed to be looked at/repaired at the place of purchase in case it had to be totally replaced and said place was closed and 30 mins out the way [at no cost by the way]).  Not exactly the way I envisioned things to go but guaranteed that harping on it and thinking it was the end of the world would have only made me slip further into suicide mode.  Honestly I was just thrilled that I wasn’t on my way or on the interstate without realizing there was a nail.  So as life knocked on my door to say hello at a seemingly inopportune time, I was able to avoid a potentially worse situation by being slightly inconvenienced.  By acknowledging this the stars lined up in my favor(actually got a rental, was able to use my hertz free rental resulting in me paying just $9, got on the road, arrived late but safe).

To further substantiate how to minimize the blow via the mind’s view of life no matter what hand we are dealt let me share what could easily have been an entire bag of lemons and life shake-up but instead a tall glass of state fair freshly squeezed lemonade.

I heard something on the radio earlier today that adds a nice bow around “Coping your way to a Well-Heeled Soul” and it was something along these lines:

A lady recounted the day she was informed she had cancer and she stated that instead of asking God “why her” she simply said “Please give me the strength and courage to be a blessing to others as I go through my healing”…….pause on that for a second.

As much as one’s attitude in life is everything so too is your attitude TOWARDS life for looking at things with a woe is me attitude is defeatist and non-productive, not to mention changes NOTHING.  More often then not, doing so blocks your blessings if not completely blinds you to your blessing.

My coping practices:

1.  Acknowledge what has just occurred; taking stock of how it makes you feel and embrace those feelings (caveat:  if danger is present then identify safety measures, methods to remove self from the potential danger)

2.  Give thanks and gratitude for the positives of the situation as there ALWAYS is a positive

3.  Begin strategizing next steps, resolutions, etc.

4.  Breathe

5.  Execute strategy, next step(s), resolution

Above all else just count your blessings it may be RIGHT in front of you being less than grateful just closed the blessing door.  Know that life is just doing her job and for each test you either pass or fail.  Coping does not negate what is happening nor does it resolve for what is happening but it definitely empowers you to get back in the driver’s seat!

So next time LIFE shows up, talk to her, tell her she looks pretty today but let her know you are a Well-Heeled Soul and you have other things to do!

Codes of the female kind

As a woman, one will travel through various stages of the female life-cycle:  girl, young woman, woman, lady, etc and through each phase the mind evolves as well (or should).

Just as men have their ‘man codes’ there are codes women should follow (as originally written by E. Jean with added commentary).  These codes can be seen as nothing more than guidelines to how we treat and respect each other.

 

Basic Lady Codes

Now these things should come in the introductory female gift bag once one reaches puberty:

  • Never hate a woman you’ve never met.
  • Never date a friend’s ex.
  • Never reveal another female’s secret.
  • Never leave an inebriated friend alone at a bar.
  • Never invite a friend’s enemy to a party <—this is really petty to do and benefits no one especially when said enemy shows up and is the life of the party, most fashionable, and down right serving up the business in a friendly way.
  • Never dine alone with a friend’s boyfriend (unless it’s his last meal and he’s being shot at dawn) <–one would get a pass too if it’s a business discussion or planning something for the friend WITH the boyfriend.

 

Advanced Woman Codes

These are comprised of things that friend-girls should not cross as part of the unspoken womanhood creed:

  • Never stay silent when a friend is falling for an asshole.
  • Never favorite a best friend’s bon mot.  Always retweet it.
  • Never trust a girlfriend who dates a married man.
  • Never refuse to write a recommendation for the offspring of a friend (no matter how big of a joke the kid may be)
  • Never steal your friend’s thunder at a dinner party – when she’s on, give her room!  Pound the table!  Bang your glass with a spoon!  Laugh the loudest at her story!
  • Never give your friend’s business four stars on Yelp.  Always give it five.
  • Never agree when a friend says she’s flabby, baggy, saggy, lumpy, floppy, veiny, squishy, scrawny, etc.,  etc.  Tell her to shut up. Tell her life is too short.  Tell her to eat, drink, and be merry <–we beat ourselves up enough, no need to have our friend agreeing.  Surely there is ONE singular kind thing to be said.

And finally……..Never treat other women disrespectfully:  It gives men ideas and in many cases permission to do so if they’re those type of men.  All in all, women should always have a set of rules they live and love by all in the name of being their very best self!

Be well!

Wardrobe Choices like Life Choices we make

We pass through this world but once. Few tragedies can be more extensive than the stunting of life, few injustices deeper than the denial of an opportunity to strive or even to hope, by a limit imposed from without, but falsely identified as lying within. – Stephen Jay Gould

 

images (2)It’s one thing to lie outwardly about your outfit but something totally different and must drastic  is to lie internally to oneself.  In life and one’s life journey, we will encounter numerous of interactions i.e. “relationships” with another person.  Note that this is not limited to those JUST the intimate ones but any interaction with another.  What is baffling to me after many recent conversations with random acquaintances are the lies we apparently tell ourselves, the ‘concessions’ we make just to deal!  Yet the end result is just more hurt, pain and disappoint.

There is something to be said for having a well-rounded life with varying interests, people you can have a good time with, passions/events, activities you can engage in which all lend themselves to creating a life bigger than yourself thus enabling you a diverse arena to expand upon who you are.

When we throw all of our apples into one thing – a man and especially one who was not worthy of such commitment to begin with we feel loss, we in fact lose most of our control and power.  The last thing we want to relinquish power on is our being in this world.  We must first acknowledge and make peace with exactly WHO we are as individuals inside out; we must know and understand our worthy – that we are worthy; we must make the decisions that have our best interests at heart (not in a selfish way but a responsible where everyone ultimately benefits).  Let’s focus on controlling that which is in our power and allow the rest to happen according to the life plan.

broken silhouetteWe can lie about our outfit; the designer, our shoe size and no one will be the wiser but when we lie to ourselves or others about our relationships we are prohibiting ourselves healing and subsequently moving forward holistically!  I had a conversation with someone today who had been taken to through the ringer (silliness) but continued to lie to herself about her relationship.  Meanwhile, he has moved on, living his life, and continuing to treat you  he has yet as you’ve regained our ‘sight’ you realize now you deserve more.  To get more it should not include spreading this baggage to the next without taking time to cleanse, to rid yourself of what was.  It is not about forgetting as much as it is about acknowledging, making peace and knowing that ‘we’ will do better; that we will not satisfy the pains of the last with more pain from the next.

Like choosing a bad outfit, if we just ignore it vs understanding WHY we chose those pieces we’d be doomed to repeat it.  In life, if instead of embracing the pain and transgressions in hopes of doing different we will continue to pick the same Outfit selection.

There truly is nothing worst than being out in a bad or less than desirable outfit….can ruin a whole night!

 

– Selena Dawn

 

Hello world and WELCOME!!!

You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away. – C. JoyBell C.

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WELCOME to “Well-Heeled Souls” where the heels mean nothing without the complete outfit comprised of the mind, heart, and soul!

In a time [and world] where many women have become caught up in presenting a well-rounded external appearance complete with designer stilettos paired with the latest and greatest designer duds, and faces beat to perfection (i.e., that means make-up to perfection); yet the internal outfit is a broken, battered, and worn down pair of kicks.  Where common sense is largely uncommon and women have somehow forgotten their value and worth, it became apparent that we [women] must be reminded that our stock price is not in our designer heels alone but our total package inside and out – our “Well-Heeled Souls.”

Well Heeled Souls”  is about understanding, owning, and upholding our worth in the day-to-day interactions and myriad of situations we encounter; it’s about standing firm based on who we [who we know ourselves to be] to ensure we get exactly what we deserve [read: are worthy of], no more, no less.

Join us as we explore the many ways to strut through life with a banging pair of heels but to do so Well HEALED with “Well Heeled Souls!”

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Don’t think about making life better for other people who don’t even deserve you, rather, focus on making your life the best, for yourself and those who love you.  C. JoyBell