Codes of the female kind

As a woman, one will travel through various stages of the female life-cycle:  girl, young woman, woman, lady, etc and through each phase the mind evolves as well (or should).

Just as men have their ‘man codes’ there are codes women should follow (as originally written by E. Jean with added commentary).  These codes can be seen as nothing more than guidelines to how we treat and respect each other.

 

Basic Lady Codes

Now these things should come in the introductory female gift bag once one reaches puberty:

  • Never hate a woman you’ve never met.
  • Never date a friend’s ex.
  • Never reveal another female’s secret.
  • Never leave an inebriated friend alone at a bar.
  • Never invite a friend’s enemy to a party <—this is really petty to do and benefits no one especially when said enemy shows up and is the life of the party, most fashionable, and down right serving up the business in a friendly way.
  • Never dine alone with a friend’s boyfriend (unless it’s his last meal and he’s being shot at dawn) <–one would get a pass too if it’s a business discussion or planning something for the friend WITH the boyfriend.

 

Advanced Woman Codes

These are comprised of things that friend-girls should not cross as part of the unspoken womanhood creed:

  • Never stay silent when a friend is falling for an asshole.
  • Never favorite a best friend’s bon mot.  Always retweet it.
  • Never trust a girlfriend who dates a married man.
  • Never refuse to write a recommendation for the offspring of a friend (no matter how big of a joke the kid may be)
  • Never steal your friend’s thunder at a dinner party – when she’s on, give her room!  Pound the table!  Bang your glass with a spoon!  Laugh the loudest at her story!
  • Never give your friend’s business four stars on Yelp.  Always give it five.
  • Never agree when a friend says she’s flabby, baggy, saggy, lumpy, floppy, veiny, squishy, scrawny, etc.,  etc.  Tell her to shut up. Tell her life is too short.  Tell her to eat, drink, and be merry <–we beat ourselves up enough, no need to have our friend agreeing.  Surely there is ONE singular kind thing to be said.

And finally……..Never treat other women disrespectfully:  It gives men ideas and in many cases permission to do so if they’re those type of men.  All in all, women should always have a set of rules they live and love by all in the name of being their very best self!

Be well!

Soul mates…..do you believe???

(From the Better Living Guide and worth sharing)

Do you truly believe your soul mate is out there?

Believing that your soul mate is out there is critical to the preparation of manifesting him or her into your life. The basic law of attraction states that you will attract to you those things that match your state of belief. I believe the universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about ourselves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience. If we believe the world is a chaotic, stressful and fearful place, then that becomes our reality. So, believing and knowing that your soul mate is out there is part of the formula for manifestation.

If you do not yet believe with 100% certainty that your soul mate is out there, let’s begin to look for things that will make a believer out of you. Do you believe you are lovable? If you are reading this, then I am certain you are lovable. Why? Because, lovable people want more love in their lives.

If you believe you are not lovable, however, I’m going to ask you to challenge that belief. Take a moment to identify at least three (or more) lovable traits you possess, such as being generous, compassionate, friendly, kind, considerate, thoughtful, interesting, funny, etc. Write these traits down, then memorize them. You will be using them shortly for your treasure map.

I know many very attractive, successful single people who hold negative, limiting beliefs when it comes to finding their soul mate. The list usually goes something like this:

– I’m too old.
– I’m too fat.
– I’m too damaged.
– I have too much baggage.
– I am too successful.
– I am not successful enough.
– All the goods are taken.
– Nobody who I want, wants me.

These are just knee-jerk excuses to keep yourself stuck. There is plenty of evidence that love is available to everyone regardless of age, weight, income, or any other feeble excuse.

What if I told you that it’s not your job to know how your soul mate is going to appear? It’s only your job to be ready, willing, and open to love. You don’t really know where air or water comes from, but you totally believe that they are there for you. As a human being, you know that air and water are your divine right. You know that no matter what mistakes you have made in the past, you are still going to wake up every day and have access to air and water.

The same is true for love. It is there for you – it has always been there for you. You just need to remember your own lovable traits. Once you do, the universe will deliver to you the perfect soul mate.

There is nothing for you to do. There is only one way for you to be.

– Be the loving person that you are.
– Live knowing that you are in a loving, committed relationship.
– Live that truth every day as you savor waiting for your beloved to arrive.
– Listen to your intuition spurring you to take action whenever opportunities present themselves.

Soul mate entrance exam:
(Answer yes, no, or unsure for each question.)
– Do you believe your soul mate is out there?
– Are you ready to meet your soul mate today? Right now?
– If your soul mate had the ability to observe your life right now, would you be proud of what they would see?
– Are you psychologically and physically in your best condition to meet your soul mate?
– Is your home ready to receive your soul mate?
– Have you made a list of ten qualities you want in your soul mate?
– Do you regularly exhibit the qualities you believe your soul mate would be most attracted to?
– Are there past lovers who still have their energetic hooks in you?
– Are you at peace with the possibility that you may never meet your soul mate? Do you truly believe you’ll have a great life if you never meet them?

If you answered “no” to even one of these questions, you may be unconsciously blocking your soul mate from coming into your life.

Have you ever wondered what it takes to find the love of your life? Is it your dream to find a life-partner who will love, cherish, and adore you?

Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself, on all levels, to become a magnet for love. This wonderful universe of ours is set up to deliver people who are consistent with our personal belief system. If you don’t believe you will ever find the one, then guess what? You get to be right: you probably won’t.

If, however, you learn to believe that the one is not only out there, but is also looking for you, then true love can be yours. My grandmother always told me there’s a lid for every pot. In other words, there is a match — a perfect partner — for every person. Even so, I have to admit that there were many, many times in my thirties when I questioned this because I still hadn’t found the lid to my pot.

Then one day, something happened that really solidified in me the belief that my soul mate was out there … somewhere. I was watching Oprah and she had Barbra Streisand on the show. Streisand had recently fallen in love with James Brolin, and I remember thinking, “Here is this super-wealthy, ultra-famous diva – how many men could be a match for her?” And then I realized, if Barbra Streisand could find somebody, then I’ll be a piece of cake! I knew in that moment, with absolute certainty, that if the universe had the perfect man for Barbra Streisand, then my soul mate was definitely out there. I also knew that I needed to prepare myself on every level to magnetize him into my life.

At that point in my life I was working from home, and the only men I ever met were delivery guys – and most of them were already married! I began using everything I had ever learned about manifestation, psychology, spirituality, and the law of attraction and applied it to my love life. My intentions became crystal-clear while I simultaneously cleared out the clutter from my houseand my heart. I learned and invented techniques, rituals, visualizations, and prayers that helped me prepare my body, mind, spirit, and home for an amazing relationship. And they worked.

Within six months of getting serious about manifesting my soul mate, I met my husband, Brian, who has exceeded all my desires and expectations. He is everything I ever wished for.

Does this really work?

Well, it worked for me, and it recently worked for my mother-in-law, Peggy. After a 55-year marriage followed by five years as a widow, Peggy, now 80, set the intention of finding a companion. Within a few months, Peggy met John, who had also enjoyed a 50-plus-year marriage before his wife died. Today, Peggy and John are like teenagers in love, enjoying the joy of re-discovering big love in their golden years.

Whether you are 28 or 88, it’s never too late.

Daily prayer for preparing to meet your soul mate: God/Goddess and All That Is: In this moment, I am grateful for the healing in my heart of everything that would stop me from having my soul mate appear. In this moment, I remember that my perfect, right partner is magnetizing to me, and my only job is to rest in perfect awareness that his/her heart is already joined with mine as I savor the waiting.

And so it is.

Can’t blame them if you’ve given THEM your power….

Sigh….I am at such a loss when chatting with my folks as they cry and complain about the behavior of an ex, or soon to be ex or current partner or friend etc.  When are we going to realize that we hold the key to WHO we deal with, HOW we deal with them, and WHEN or IF we deal with them??

It’s not enough to merely speak on what you will and will not put up with when you continue to put up with said behavior.  We have to remember that we control our own lives and people can only do to us what we allow them to by what we allow them to do.

In relationships, which so many are so desperate for, we often give passes to piss poor behavior yet wonder why ‘he’ continues to display the same behavior.  Listen, we’ve all been suckers for love and even convinced ourselves that the relationship is value-add and worthy when we know and feel otherwise.  It’s not enough to just be with someone if we are left to feel empty, disrespected, and all around neglected.  Relationships are challenging enough as it is but when we allow ourselves to be at the mercy of the relationship versus guiding and cultivating it by holding steadfast to set standards we are giving our power away.

Too often, we give those who bring so little to the table, too much of our power by not setting boundaries for ourselves and holding people accountable for their actions.  More often than not, our desire for love, acceptance, attention, lack of self-worth etc. far outweigh our personal standards or guiding principles.  When this imbalance occurs, we are more apt to accept damn near anything from anybody which largely leads to mistreatment, emptiness and a diminished power.

Preservation of self is key to ensuring you aren’t sacrificing your self-respect for the sake of being a party for 2.   People ‘tell’ you who they are all the time merely by their behavior(s) in the day to day.  If you choose to ignore what their actions are telling you then you can truly only blame yourself for they are doing exactly what you have given them permission to.  Instead of blaming other people, say the dude who cheats yet we come back each and every single time, how bout we look internally to determine why we’ve turned a blind eye to the behavior; that we have somehow given him a free pass to do so by our mere acceptance of it.  No, we can’t make anyone do anything he/she does not want to do but trust that we can always force the hand by controlling what WE do in response to someone else’s actions.

We can’t focus on others so much as we can on ourselves when it comes to acceptable behavior for we must first define, understand, communicate (through our actions and acceptance) what we expect and will tolerate in a consistent fashion.  So I charge everyone with reclaiming or reassessing your power and ensuring that you relinquish only to those who are deserving through proven consistent actions.

Be well!

 

When a Woman’s Fed Up…

So you probably think this will be some long rant about men doing women wrong or how men are bad and trifling and there are no good men out there.  Well no….not exactly!  Instead this is more about women finding their strength, their voice to not subject themselves to relationships that leave them feeling disrespected, dazed and confused.

Surely we all have or have had that one friend who continues to allow herself to be disrespected, disregarded, and otherwise treated unkind in her relationship.  For some of us watching this train wreck from the sidelines it is easy to resort to name calling as we attempt to get her to see that the relationship and/or partner is no good for her.  For a small number of us we see the train wreck yet do what we can to just support our friend while reassuring her that we will be there as a friend with no judgment or criticism of her relationship.

No matter which role we play, we can all agree on one thing and that is the fact that a woman will only choose to end a relationship once she is fed up or simply has had ENOUGH!  This threshold of “enough” varies based on our perception of our self-worth, our value system, confidence levels, self-esteem and overall tolerance.

It IS hard to watch a loved one or anyone you care about put themselves through such unnecessary grief but only she who is in the relationship can make the choice to remove herself and typically that ONLY happens when she has truly become fed up.  A relationship, although trying at times should NOT be an ongoing battle of blatant disrespect no matter the situation.

It is truly like watching a really bad movie yet being unable to press stop.  You know, screaming at the actors on the screen, yelling instructions to them and shaking your head at the obvious.    YET, it’s as if no one hears you, the bad movie continues with the actors executing their story lines.  Much like the many women day in and day who execute their story lines because they aren’t strong enough to do otherwise.  The only you can do is sit back and watch while hoping the ‘movie’ ends soon.

There is no greater lie than the one women tell themselves and only when they get T I R E D will they face the music and dig deep to choose better.  You see, we all get tired of something and only then do we have [find] the courage to change our situation versus allowing the situation to change us.  There is nothing anyone can say to convince her to leave for she will only leave or discontinue the disrespect when she is fed up.

As in life, everything is a process and she who feels trapped or stuck in a nothing relationship will tire of the lies (to herself and others) and will realize she is much better than that which she is allowing.

So I challenge you to ponder the following:

– Does this feel good to me (a certain behavior, interaction, etc.)?

– Have I thought that I deserve better?

– Do I compensate for his bad behavior (thru excuses I make on his behalf; lies I tell myself/others)?

– Does this add to or take away from who I am as a person?

When will you be fed up?

 

What are YOU bringing to the table?

Ahhhh the expectations of dating and meeting a mate in this new dating world or shall I say what one partner seeks in the next.

You’ve heard them and probably have your own “what I want in a partner” requirements:

God-fearing, tall, dark, independently wealthy, kids/no kids, a certain age, swirly, exotic, never been married, passionate, chivalrous, have some business about themselves, independent, and so on and so forth.

What I have found interesting of late is just how many of ‘us’ with these so called “partner wishlist” who themselves aren’t exactly bringing much to the table.

Case in point:  With the turn of the tables wherein women are breadwinners, go-getters, paving the way, and living their lives, I’ve heard single men constantly speak of the desire to have a woman who is independent, productive be it in school or with a job/career and doing/living well.  HOWEVER these same men are the very ones living hand to mouth, whose lives are in shambles or say bringing less than what they themselves are seeking in another while having just their own ass to wipe.  Huh?

Men are not alone however.

Case in point:  I’ve had single female friends with a long laundry list of wants and desires in their potential mate.  We’ve all heard it from one friend-girl to another – I want a man who makes a good living (some have the nerve to put a 6-figure tag on it), no kids, never married, drives a luxury vehicle, lives in this type of home, has this type of career, likes to travel, blah blah blah.  YET this same friend-girl is bringing NOTHING even close to this to the table.  Exsqueeze me???

Or, my favorite has been my friend-girls who focus solely on the materialistic things (which in today’s society with all this easy access to everything most people do unfortunately – not I but I digress).   Materialistic things say nothing about the person except perhaps they have expensive tastes.   I’ve long been a proponent of looking at the character of a person as character is WHO someone is no matter the situation which in the end will always tell you more about how they would be as a potential mate. Remember, just because a man has a nice car doesn’t mean he’s financially stable; no more than a man with say expendable cash will spend HIS expendable cash on you.  We have to dig deeper in our quest to pair up with another and usually, no it must ALWAYS begin with ourselves.

So the message here is simple, we need to take stock in ourselves by first being realistic about who we are, where we are in lives – our own lives, what we have to offer (really), and what truly matters to us at the end of the day.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more for ourselves or others but realistically you are probably more likely to attract the things you seek and desire if you yourself are/possess those things (ever heard how “like attracts like”).

At the same token we must be OPEN as we’re hopefully out living our lives (not just on the search for a mate) because oftentimes he/she who is for us does not always appear in the form of our ‘list’.   It’s not always WHERE a person is in their lives that matters if they have the tools, vision, desire and drive to proceed to the next step/phase of their lives.  Meaning we must know what matters and allow that to be the deciding factor as to whether a person is worthy at each step of the courtship!

What are YOU bringing to the table?

~Selena Dawn

 

It’s not Social Media, but the people using it…..

Godiva World

“When you give everyone a voice and give people power, the system usually ends up in a really good place.” -Mark Zuckerberg, CEO & Founder of Facebook

Facebook.  Twitter.  Instagram.  Pinterest.  Tumblr.  Blogs.  Kik. Flickr.  The list goes on and on and on but social media is here to stay in a big way!

One thing for certain though, social media has enabled people to connect and communicate at a single keystroke.  It enables you to share snippets of your life with anyone who friends or follows; with friends/family and perfect strangers.  Social media has created a whole new way to meet and greet perfect strangers.  

Unfortunately though, with all of its wonders, it has also created a false sense of belonging; keyboard bandits and bullies; imaginary friends for those how in the real world perhaps wouldn’t have any; make-believe lives; and just about any other dream one can…

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Getting to a Well Heeled Soul

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Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free… – Steve Maroboli

Life is such an interesting thing, what with all its ups and downs, curve balls, hidden gems and surprises.  Its no wonder the whole lot of us are a walking jumbled mess.

Ahhhh the peace of inner peace!  How in all the worlds is it achieved? Well here are a few personal mantras I live by in my daily quest for inner peace (in no particular order):

  1. Find a reason to smile everyday.
  2. Spend time alone with yourself.
  3. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting and encouraging people.
  4. Try something new….just because.
  5. Don’t LOOK for love, look for life – LIVE as much as you can.
  6. Never settle (instead repeat #2).
  7. Never compare yourself to that of the next because there will ALWAYS be someone prettier, thinner/thicker, smarter, richer, healthier, sassier, friendlier, more popular, happier, etc.
  8. Be with someone who finds you to be special and treats you as such.
  9. Friends, open your world to meet new people for often they bring new perspectives  to your life.
  10. Listen to the universe for it tells you things no one else can/will.
  11. Pursue your dreams, goals, desires – which requires you to actually identify what they are (do that too).
  12. Mean what you say and say what you mean – people will take you more seriously if you do.
  13. Ask for what you want – in your friends, relationships, careers for a closed mouth does not get fed.  Besides if you say nothing someone else will ALWAYS make decisions on your behalf <—nobody got time for that
  14. Choose to deal with someone because of their CHARACTER because THAT will never lead you astray (really holds true in relationships – a man’s character will tell you a lot more about him than his car, house, or pockets ever will).
  15. Understand your worth and at all costs preserve it.
  16. Treat time like money, don’t give it away freely and only if those whom you are giving it to are worthy.
  17. March to your own beat….we all have our own theme song no need to use someone else’s music.
  18. Spend time alone (again).
  19. Be your true authentic self and make no excuses for it; if someone doesn’t get you…..their loss.
  20. Dream. Believe. Have Faith. Live out loud!!!

Getting to a Well Heeled Soul is not a one-size fits all – meaning what works for me may not work for you but what do you have to lose by incorporating these mantras into your routines (see #4 above)!

Be well!!

~Selena Dawn

 

When your shoes don’t fit……

How many times have you seen a banging pair of heels only to realize they do not have your size? How often have you sacrificed a little pain and discomfort for the sake of copping that banging pair in a half-size too small?  I’m sure many can relate and would gladly raise a hand or two.

Wearing an ill-fitted shoe is not only uncomfortable but can also lead to all sorts of problems with the tipsy-toes.  Well how bout that ill-fitted relationship?  Yeah you thought this was about the shoegame but alas my dear we’re digging deep to the damage we – yes ladies, ‘we’ – cause ourselves by staying in relationships that are ill-fitted and usually for all the wrong reasons even when the signs are written all up and through the relationship.

Let’s be real, nothing and no one is perfect – goes without saying but before anyone mentioned it I figured I’d put it out first – however a relationship should at best and on most days be comfortable and consistent for starters.  Just like forcing a size 8 into a size 7 creates discomfort if not pain, forcing a man to be with you through trickery, lies you tell yourself, neglecting your worth, ignoring his actions which says he wants something else, damaging your self-esteem and securities (to name a few) creates much of the same.

What He SAYS vs What He DOES

Love that does not come freely should not be a love that you want.  Now that does not mean that the first sign of struggle or challenge you throw in the towel, no quite the opposite you should fight for a love that is worthy.  Both parties though must be fighting FOR and not against the relationship for it to be a fight worth having.  If a man proclaims his feelings for you yet his actions show he’s still hung up on an ex or ‘looking’ for other women/encounters then his word should not carry ANY weight.  Ask his intent and make your decision.

True Story:  You’re in a relationship (together) and he says he wants to be with you yet he only sees you when it’s convenient for him, on a whim, in spurts.  He spends more time with or interests in an ex or BM or ex-wife or any of the other ladies of leisure.  Umm, I’m gonna say he only wants you when he wants you – for convenience sake – and not because he wants to build something with you or is really feeling you.   Ask his intent and make your decision.  Do NOT spend your time investigating and researching if he’s already showed you his intent…..move on.

If a man says he doesn’t want to be with you, believe him.  Choosing to still entertain him because he has a weak moment only hurts yourself.  When we choose to engage in situations where it’s clear the other person has other plans then saying to oneself that “I’m just getting what I can” or “he got that goodgood” is selling yourself short and in most cases setting you up for something you’re not prepared to handle.   At the end of the day, we all want to be loved and to be wanted.  To convince yourself that you are does not make it so.

Valuables and Worth:  The choice to be with another is just that – a CHOICE – and one that each should make willingly.  Please understand the difference and ensure you too are ready and not just filling a void.

Look and Listen

Let’s face it, everyone “of a particular age” has a little baggage – baby mommas, exes, friends w/bennies (i.e., old shoes we no longer wear nor like) but there are some key signs to heed if only women would listen.

In the beginning of every relationship time must be spent learning each other and figuring out who you are together and individually. But if there’s one thing I know (and have seen happen that says so much) it is the moment when a man shows you who YOU are to him and just how much drama he tolerates.

True Story:  You’re dating or maybe living together and his ‘baggage’ by chance disrespects you let’s say.  This could be in the manner of seeing you both out and getting a little too friendly with him or baby momma coming over (was gonna say calling his home but who except for me has a home phone these days) and being rude to you.  Your 1st response is probably to get rowdy and reeeeead the chick but I have news my Well Heeled Soulsters……you will learn alot about the type of dude you have by what HE does.  He should address the situation at that moment and in no uncertain terms.  A man who does not defend you in such fashion says alot not only of his character but the type of guy he truly is.  I have yet to have to defend myself against  man’s “baggage” and never will (unless they are ‘coming for me’ which is a totally different situation).

I know someone who was remarried (the guy) and had a child with his ex-wife (1st wife) yet when the ex called the house and was a little rude, the chick did NOT go off as she could have, no she assessed the situation and listened.  The guy, who was and remains the perfect gentlemen politely informed his ex-wife that he would not tolerate her disrespecting his new wife and family.  Just like that.

Valuables and Worth:  Do not fight a man’s battles as he should be fighting yours.  Know that once a man stops trying your relationship becomes a party for 1 – YOU!  If you’re in a relationship just to be alone or lonely then why not just be ALONE.

So would you rather a shoe that fits or one that breeds discomfort and pain?

~Selena Dawn

Alone Time….Party for 1

We only live once. We all have an expiration date after that we will never come again. I am not saying that to make you sad. I am saying that so you can cherish each moment in your life and be grateful that you are here and you are special.  – Pablo

You.Are.Special!   YOU are special….yes you!  If more people recognized this, and not in a narcissistic fashion, but in a way that enables them to give less of themselves away with very little ROI there would be a lot less broken, tattered individuals merely existing.  What exactly does that mean?  Well it’s quite simple.  How many stories have you heard from friends or friends of friends wherein said individual continuously accepted less than desirable behavior from another?  Too many times or perhaps you are that individual.

images (6)Why though?  Because you have not realized (yet) that you are special and worthy.  The ability to see this I believe comes from spending quality ‘alone’ time with yourself.   Not just alone time because you are alone, but alone time with your thoughts, feelings, emotions, core of your being.  Digging deep to address (read:  face) those things in your life that speak the loudest; address the joys and pains in your life both past and present to make peace with them; really identify WHO you are and what makes you tick.  For knowing WHO you truly are is the key to preserving as much of yourself and your worth as possible.

For example, by being one who has spent alot of quality ‘alone’ time with my party for 1, I know exactly what I deserve, how I expect to be treated by others, what I will and will not tolerate from others.  I’ve also learned to enjoy my alone time and not feel the need to surround myself with others just for the sake of having others around.  It has empowered me in a sense to not be afraid to speak up when someone treats me unkind or less than deserving.  As the saying goes, we must teach people how to treat us and we can only do this by communicating to others what is and is not acceptable merely by NOT being accepting of anything.

So as the quote above says, “……cherish each moment in your life and be grateful that you are here and you are special” and therefore NOT waste a single moment giving yourself away to things, people, situations that do not value and respect that including you.

What will you do to preserve YOUR special?

~Selena Dawn  

Protect Your Time, Preserve YOUR Worth!

Time IS our most precious commodity, yet too often too many of us give it away like it’s a 2-for-1 deal!  As we are so eager to have companionship or a relationship, we move too quick thereby missing too many signs or allowing the mystery and intrigue to peak.  At the end of the day, 24 hours is still just 24 hours; never more but usually less depending on how one manages it.

Protecting your time….what exactly does that mean?  The premise behind this is quite simple and does not involve trickery nor game playing atleast not in the sense of those silly relationship games we women are too often accused of playing.

Quite simply it is the act of guarding your time  until someone has proven to be worthy of it; it is as simple as not being so available especially when first meeting a suitor.  It is NOT pretending you have something or someone better as that would be playing a game and honestly I think being honest about who you are, what you expect and deserve (when you know who/what that is of course) is better than any game and usually earns respect from those who matter.

Case in point:  you meet a suitor, most likely the first interaction will be a text and I’m not bashing that, however they should set up a ‘date’ to actually meet you for real and beyond a text fest.  One who (most likely) has business about themselves or at best obligations and/or responsibilities will respect AND expect the same therefore not expecting you to just ‘drop what you’re doing’ nor to be ‘sitting around doing nothing’ for a 1st date that same day or just on a whim.  NO, you want someone who respects your time enough AND has some forethought to atleast plan a date – yes plan.

I often use this as my gauge although let’s be honest, nothing is 100% but for me it comes down to preserving my worth by not giving my time away so freely.  I usually could care less about making a statement or proving anything.  What I’ve learned however in being such a steward of my time is a mutual respect, a desire from another to prove THEY themselves are worthy to me.  Imagine that!  Guarding my time also enables me to minimize and often eliminate an unworthy suitor just based on their response or reaction to my time guard.

Case in point:  you meet a suitor on a Tuesday afternoon in some random location.  You do the usual textfest…I mean it IS the NEW normal for communicating.  This new suitor on this same Tuesday says how much they want to see you.  Red Flag!!  You just met so WHAT does that mean really?  Anyhoo, new Tuesday suitor asks if you can meet up this same Tuesday night.  The Selena Dawn response is um, negative!  Here’s why.  You’ve not given this new Tuesday suitor anything to work towards.  In this case, they don’t have to work (if you agree to meet).  In this case, one would surmise that you are an easy mark, needy, too eager, no real life as you so quickly dropped what you had going on (if anything at all) to meet this stranger.

You see, if new Tuesday suitor is beyond the hit it and quit it, or fast-food interactions, then you saying “no” to the same-day-we-met-date, then they will respect that and know that your time is valuable.  Additionally, whether you are sitting around knitting or playing with your hands is of no concern of anyone but the message (again) is that you are worth some forethought, some future scheduling, and most importantly worth the wait.

As they say, anything worth having is worth waiting for and at the end of the day you want someone who believes, feels, lives, and breathes knowing that you are worth.  When YOU respect and protect your own time then others will as well either on their own through your actions or by force through your actions!

There is definitely a thin line between playing games, putting someone off and the like (neither of which this blog supports) however the message again is just that you have to believe that you are worth it before anyone else is.   This of course isn’t fool proof in that you may find a few who snuck through and wasted your time but guaranteed there will be a lot less of that and alot more of moments and memories created on your terms which by my account is NEVER a waste of time.

~Selena Dawn