Sigh….I am at such a loss when chatting with my folks as they cry and complain about the behavior of an ex, or soon to be ex or current partner or friend etc. When are we going to realize that we hold the key to WHO we deal with, HOW we deal with them, and WHEN or IF we deal with them??
It’s not enough to merely speak on what you will and will not put up with when you continue to put up with said behavior. We have to remember that we control our own lives and people can only do to us what we allow them to by what we allow them to do.
In relationships, which so many are so desperate for, we often give passes to piss poor behavior yet wonder why ‘he’ continues to display the same behavior. Listen, we’ve all been suckers for love and even convinced ourselves that the relationship is value-add and worthy when we know and feel otherwise. It’s not enough to just be with someone if we are left to feel empty, disrespected, and all around neglected. Relationships are challenging enough as it is but when we allow ourselves to be at the mercy of the relationship versus guiding and cultivating it by holding steadfast to set standards we are giving our power away.
Too often, we give those who bring so little to the table, too much of our power by not setting boundaries for ourselves and holding people accountable for their actions. More often than not, our desire for love, acceptance, attention, lack of self-worth etc. far outweigh our personal standards or guiding principles. When this imbalance occurs, we are more apt to accept damn near anything from anybody which largely leads to mistreatment, emptiness and a diminished power.
Preservation of self is key to ensuring you aren’t sacrificing your self-respect for the sake of being a party for 2. People ‘tell’ you who they are all the time merely by their behavior(s) in the day to day. If you choose to ignore what their actions are telling you then you can truly only blame yourself for they are doing exactly what you have given them permission to. Instead of blaming other people, say the dude who cheats yet we come back each and every single time, how bout we look internally to determine why we’ve turned a blind eye to the behavior; that we have somehow given him a free pass to do so by our mere acceptance of it. No, we can’t make anyone do anything he/she does not want to do but trust that we can always force the hand by controlling what WE do in response to someone else’s actions.
We can’t focus on others so much as we can on ourselves when it comes to acceptable behavior for we must first define, understand, communicate (through our actions and acceptance) what we expect and will tolerate in a consistent fashion. So I charge everyone with reclaiming or reassessing your power and ensuring that you relinquish only to those who are deserving through proven consistent actions.