What are YOU bringing to the table?

Ahhhh the expectations of dating and meeting a mate in this new dating world or shall I say what one partner seeks in the next.

You’ve heard them and probably have your own “what I want in a partner” requirements:

God-fearing, tall, dark, independently wealthy, kids/no kids, a certain age, swirly, exotic, never been married, passionate, chivalrous, have some business about themselves, independent, and so on and so forth.

What I have found interesting of late is just how many of ‘us’ with these so called “partner wishlist” who themselves aren’t exactly bringing much to the table.

Case in point:  With the turn of the tables wherein women are breadwinners, go-getters, paving the way, and living their lives, I’ve heard single men constantly speak of the desire to have a woman who is independent, productive be it in school or with a job/career and doing/living well.  HOWEVER these same men are the very ones living hand to mouth, whose lives are in shambles or say bringing less than what they themselves are seeking in another while having just their own ass to wipe.  Huh?

Men are not alone however.

Case in point:  I’ve had single female friends with a long laundry list of wants and desires in their potential mate.  We’ve all heard it from one friend-girl to another – I want a man who makes a good living (some have the nerve to put a 6-figure tag on it), no kids, never married, drives a luxury vehicle, lives in this type of home, has this type of career, likes to travel, blah blah blah.  YET this same friend-girl is bringing NOTHING even close to this to the table.  Exsqueeze me???

Or, my favorite has been my friend-girls who focus solely on the materialistic things (which in today’s society with all this easy access to everything most people do unfortunately – not I but I digress).   Materialistic things say nothing about the person except perhaps they have expensive tastes.   I’ve long been a proponent of looking at the character of a person as character is WHO someone is no matter the situation which in the end will always tell you more about how they would be as a potential mate. Remember, just because a man has a nice car doesn’t mean he’s financially stable; no more than a man with say expendable cash will spend HIS expendable cash on you.  We have to dig deeper in our quest to pair up with another and usually, no it must ALWAYS begin with ourselves.

So the message here is simple, we need to take stock in ourselves by first being realistic about who we are, where we are in lives – our own lives, what we have to offer (really), and what truly matters to us at the end of the day.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more for ourselves or others but realistically you are probably more likely to attract the things you seek and desire if you yourself are/possess those things (ever heard how “like attracts like”).

At the same token we must be OPEN as we’re hopefully out living our lives (not just on the search for a mate) because oftentimes he/she who is for us does not always appear in the form of our ‘list’.   It’s not always WHERE a person is in their lives that matters if they have the tools, vision, desire and drive to proceed to the next step/phase of their lives.  Meaning we must know what matters and allow that to be the deciding factor as to whether a person is worthy at each step of the courtship!

What are YOU bringing to the table?

~Selena Dawn

 

Getting to a Well Heeled Soul

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Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free… – Steve Maroboli

Life is such an interesting thing, what with all its ups and downs, curve balls, hidden gems and surprises.  Its no wonder the whole lot of us are a walking jumbled mess.

Ahhhh the peace of inner peace!  How in all the worlds is it achieved? Well here are a few personal mantras I live by in my daily quest for inner peace (in no particular order):

  1. Find a reason to smile everyday.
  2. Spend time alone with yourself.
  3. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting and encouraging people.
  4. Try something new….just because.
  5. Don’t LOOK for love, look for life – LIVE as much as you can.
  6. Never settle (instead repeat #2).
  7. Never compare yourself to that of the next because there will ALWAYS be someone prettier, thinner/thicker, smarter, richer, healthier, sassier, friendlier, more popular, happier, etc.
  8. Be with someone who finds you to be special and treats you as such.
  9. Friends, open your world to meet new people for often they bring new perspectives  to your life.
  10. Listen to the universe for it tells you things no one else can/will.
  11. Pursue your dreams, goals, desires – which requires you to actually identify what they are (do that too).
  12. Mean what you say and say what you mean – people will take you more seriously if you do.
  13. Ask for what you want – in your friends, relationships, careers for a closed mouth does not get fed.  Besides if you say nothing someone else will ALWAYS make decisions on your behalf <—nobody got time for that
  14. Choose to deal with someone because of their CHARACTER because THAT will never lead you astray (really holds true in relationships – a man’s character will tell you a lot more about him than his car, house, or pockets ever will).
  15. Understand your worth and at all costs preserve it.
  16. Treat time like money, don’t give it away freely and only if those whom you are giving it to are worthy.
  17. March to your own beat….we all have our own theme song no need to use someone else’s music.
  18. Spend time alone (again).
  19. Be your true authentic self and make no excuses for it; if someone doesn’t get you…..their loss.
  20. Dream. Believe. Have Faith. Live out loud!!!

Getting to a Well Heeled Soul is not a one-size fits all – meaning what works for me may not work for you but what do you have to lose by incorporating these mantras into your routines (see #4 above)!

Be well!!

~Selena Dawn

 

Getting to YOU!

Early one recent Saturday morning I was awaken because I had fallen asleep with my TV on.  I had fallen asleep to a sitcom but was awaken by some “inspirational show”.  Normally I would immediately turn it off but as I searched for the remote with one eye open in a TV lit room something caught my attention!  The speaker was spot on and from what I gathered the goal of course is to have a foundation in the Creator, but also being able to encourage and motivate yourself, become healed, become successful at what you desire, and pass the message.  A few points resonated with me and this is my take on them:

Self portrait determines self confidence:  The picture that you would like to paint of yourself should be the who, what and how of you…who you truly are, what you surround yourself with, and how you perceive yourself.

Attitude determines access: Knowing that you are of greatness and can achieve greatness in your passion allows for endless possibilities.

Recognize the positive in every situation: Know that things don’t just happen, believe that your steps are ordered and that being true to you and in your daily walk having the strength to sit on the park bench, breathe during the “storms” of life, and find the silver lining will take you far. Find that favorite quote, song, saying or scripture and repeat it daily.

Decisions decide wealth: Wealth may not be monetary, but peace, happiness or all of the above. We have to believe that every right decision is placing us one step closer to the place of wealth that we each desire.

I was so taken with the message that I took notes and I’m working on exercising them. This journey to getting to me is a trip worth taking! Let’s go!