Love is…..

Love inexplainable

 

 

Love is 24/7, not JUST Valentine’s Day!

 

 

 

 

There’s truly NOTHING better than LOVE!

The feel…..

The sound….

The look….

The touch of LOVE!

Unfortunately LOVE seems to be elusive for many yet sought by all!  Let me challenge you this Valentine’s Day 2014 to first figure out how to love yourself and in that you will ALWAYS be surrounded by LOVE!

Happy Valentines

 

In the end, only 3 things matter:  how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let got of things not meant for you.  ~ Buddha

Rules of Engagement….engaging a mate!

looking for love

Chances are you’re in a relationship, just ending a relationship, wanting a relationship, recovering from your last relationship or just plain thinking about a relationship.  Everything is about a relationship today; if you’re single someone’s trying to hook you up with someone or wondering why you’re single; if you’re dating the talk is all about keeping the relationships together.

Let’s face it, we all think about them, desire to be in one, and/or long to share our lives with someone but often the challenge lies in the first step:  actually meeting someone who meets our ‘standards’ in order to begin creating a lasting and loving relationship.

Personally I think there are some simple, common sense type things that can open the doors to just meeting people….believe it or not that is the biggest complaint of a lot of women – how do I just meet a man, where are the men.

Agree or disagree but these things I have found to aid in both meeting men and keeping the attention of men:

1.  You gotta have an open mind.

We are often so closed minded that we keep ourselves from meeting people because we’re so quick to judge or think every man is trying to get with us.  How bout looking at meeting people as a means of making a new connection.  Next time you’re out anywhere, if a man speaks, uh speak back.  If a man is being friendly, there’s no harm in returning in kind.  It doesn’t mean he’s the man for you or trying to holler or that you have go out with him, it just simply shows you as personable or atleast open and approachable.  Either way what does it hurt.  Think of it as helping you put out good energy.  Trust I am well aware that when you’re at your local grocery store and you are approached, it is the last thing you want but say hello and graciously keep walking down the frozen food aisle.

2.  Get out and enjoy yourself, LIVE!

Since my young adult years I can remember hearing women complain about not having a good time while out for the eve solely because they didn’t meet anyone.  HUH?  My philosophy was always to go out because I wanted to get out and have a good time.  In that I was guaranteed to end the night pretty satisfied and usually ended up meeting someone.  Why? Because if you’re out enjoying yourself (i.e. not on the hunt and looking for a mate) then that shows in your attitude and men are attracted to that.  Most importantly though you had a good time because you allowed yourself to and not because you met a man.  Create a life for you so that you actually have something to share when your mate crosses your path.

Too often my women-friends have kept themselves from doing certain things because they didn’t have a date, or felt that it would be a couples event, or planned their entire evening on the chance of meeting a mate.  WRONG!  Get out there, go to that fancy restaurant, go to the Holiday party (take a she-thang/female friend), go on that trip you’ve been thinking about.  If you get out and just LIVE you never know, instead of getting out to find a mate you just may find yourself!

3.  Keep your “Mate Wishlist” and be cognizant of what you truly want in a mate but be open to make concessions (without jeopardizing your deal breakers, of course that means you know what your deal breakers are….).

We all have/had a “Mate Wishlist” or shall I say, the things we look for and desire in a mate.  First of all we must be realistic about what we want/desire in a mate.  Too often we say our mate must have all these things, yet none of which we have ourselves or have had in a mate.  That’s not fair.

Additionally, the reality is sometimes the person for you does not fall into that which you think/thought you desire(d) while their other characteristics far surpass your wants/needs.   For instance you prefer tall guys yet you meet a guy who’s personality pops (if that’s your thing), is chivalrous, open, has a career, kind, treats you like a lady, etc.  Well do you miss out on what could be a great guy because you’ve turned your nose at this guy because he’s not that tall?  I say no.

dating deal breakersSomeone near and dear to me met a guy, very attractive, creative, artist-type, good age – not too young not too old, open, chivalrous, a little mysterious, kinda marches to his own beat, but he was a small guy both in height and stature, he was also somewhat of a nomad with a life very different than hers.  Well initially it was just meeting to put a heartbeat with the online presence.  As the layers peeled back, his character, which she is most concerned with in a potential mate, spoke volumes so that his stature was less of an issue and so too was his lifestyle.  It then developed into a full on relationship that has continued to blossom.  She often reflects on how she would not have had this opportunity if she put her “Mate Wishlist” in stone without any wiggle room.

4.  For women…..(sorry men)…..the man MUST want/like you just a little bit more than you want/like him.

I don’t know why this is but there’s so much truth to it.  H/she who is in demand/wanted has the power.  It seems as though when the man wants, desires, and/or likes the woman more, he is more apt to go above and beyond to win her over; more willing to put in the work to secure her affection.

This is not about games as I don’t believe in playing games with people’s feelings, however it’s about taking your time and allowing the man to put in some work.  Women today and particularly of a ‘particular age’ are so quick to chase men that the man knows he has the upper hand and therefore doesn’t work as hard to get or keep the woman.  Now I’m not saying NOT to go after what you want because I’m all about that, but leave a little mystery in it so that you can be chased.

5.  Live in your truth, be YOU!

Who are you? What do you want to be when you grow up? Do you like Fall or Winter?

Yes, compromise is a part of life and most certainly a part of our interactions with other people.  However, let’s not sell ourselves short nor be anyone other than who we are when we meet someone or engage these relationships.  Always know your worth and know that a man worthy of you will accept you, he will meet you where you are, he will be willing to do the work, he will respect you.   Know that he who does not think you are worthy, see your worth nor value your worth is not deserving of you/your time and it’s OKAY.

For example, you just met and he invites you out.  He insists on picking you up at your home but that’s not really your thing when first meeting someone (rightfully so).  Instead of understanding that and accepting it by agreeing to some other meet up location, he gets an attitude or says something crazy.  Um, THIS is clearly not anyone you should want to deal with past this point.  It really is that simple.  You have to be true to yourself and value your worth as much as you would/should want someone else to.  The core of who you are, your morals, standards and principles should be adhered to and if they aren’t it is perfectly okay to PASS on he who does not accept nor respect that.

These are but a few rules of engagement.

Nothing of course if foolproof but this is atleast a start to preserving oneself.  All in all we must go with our gut instincts, follow our hearts while still using our heads.  Above all else don’t just settle for someone because they are the only ones available…..YOU are always available to yourself if you make it so.  You are faaaar more attractive if you are seen as a hot commodity!

Soul mates…..do you believe???

(From the Better Living Guide and worth sharing)

Do you truly believe your soul mate is out there?

Believing that your soul mate is out there is critical to the preparation of manifesting him or her into your life. The basic law of attraction states that you will attract to you those things that match your state of belief. I believe the universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about ourselves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience. If we believe the world is a chaotic, stressful and fearful place, then that becomes our reality. So, believing and knowing that your soul mate is out there is part of the formula for manifestation.

If you do not yet believe with 100% certainty that your soul mate is out there, let’s begin to look for things that will make a believer out of you. Do you believe you are lovable? If you are reading this, then I am certain you are lovable. Why? Because, lovable people want more love in their lives.

If you believe you are not lovable, however, I’m going to ask you to challenge that belief. Take a moment to identify at least three (or more) lovable traits you possess, such as being generous, compassionate, friendly, kind, considerate, thoughtful, interesting, funny, etc. Write these traits down, then memorize them. You will be using them shortly for your treasure map.

I know many very attractive, successful single people who hold negative, limiting beliefs when it comes to finding their soul mate. The list usually goes something like this:

– I’m too old.
– I’m too fat.
– I’m too damaged.
– I have too much baggage.
– I am too successful.
– I am not successful enough.
– All the goods are taken.
– Nobody who I want, wants me.

These are just knee-jerk excuses to keep yourself stuck. There is plenty of evidence that love is available to everyone regardless of age, weight, income, or any other feeble excuse.

What if I told you that it’s not your job to know how your soul mate is going to appear? It’s only your job to be ready, willing, and open to love. You don’t really know where air or water comes from, but you totally believe that they are there for you. As a human being, you know that air and water are your divine right. You know that no matter what mistakes you have made in the past, you are still going to wake up every day and have access to air and water.

The same is true for love. It is there for you – it has always been there for you. You just need to remember your own lovable traits. Once you do, the universe will deliver to you the perfect soul mate.

There is nothing for you to do. There is only one way for you to be.

– Be the loving person that you are.
– Live knowing that you are in a loving, committed relationship.
– Live that truth every day as you savor waiting for your beloved to arrive.
– Listen to your intuition spurring you to take action whenever opportunities present themselves.

Soul mate entrance exam:
(Answer yes, no, or unsure for each question.)
– Do you believe your soul mate is out there?
– Are you ready to meet your soul mate today? Right now?
– If your soul mate had the ability to observe your life right now, would you be proud of what they would see?
– Are you psychologically and physically in your best condition to meet your soul mate?
– Is your home ready to receive your soul mate?
– Have you made a list of ten qualities you want in your soul mate?
– Do you regularly exhibit the qualities you believe your soul mate would be most attracted to?
– Are there past lovers who still have their energetic hooks in you?
– Are you at peace with the possibility that you may never meet your soul mate? Do you truly believe you’ll have a great life if you never meet them?

If you answered “no” to even one of these questions, you may be unconsciously blocking your soul mate from coming into your life.

Have you ever wondered what it takes to find the love of your life? Is it your dream to find a life-partner who will love, cherish, and adore you?

Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself, on all levels, to become a magnet for love. This wonderful universe of ours is set up to deliver people who are consistent with our personal belief system. If you don’t believe you will ever find the one, then guess what? You get to be right: you probably won’t.

If, however, you learn to believe that the one is not only out there, but is also looking for you, then true love can be yours. My grandmother always told me there’s a lid for every pot. In other words, there is a match — a perfect partner — for every person. Even so, I have to admit that there were many, many times in my thirties when I questioned this because I still hadn’t found the lid to my pot.

Then one day, something happened that really solidified in me the belief that my soul mate was out there … somewhere. I was watching Oprah and she had Barbra Streisand on the show. Streisand had recently fallen in love with James Brolin, and I remember thinking, “Here is this super-wealthy, ultra-famous diva – how many men could be a match for her?” And then I realized, if Barbra Streisand could find somebody, then I’ll be a piece of cake! I knew in that moment, with absolute certainty, that if the universe had the perfect man for Barbra Streisand, then my soul mate was definitely out there. I also knew that I needed to prepare myself on every level to magnetize him into my life.

At that point in my life I was working from home, and the only men I ever met were delivery guys – and most of them were already married! I began using everything I had ever learned about manifestation, psychology, spirituality, and the law of attraction and applied it to my love life. My intentions became crystal-clear while I simultaneously cleared out the clutter from my houseand my heart. I learned and invented techniques, rituals, visualizations, and prayers that helped me prepare my body, mind, spirit, and home for an amazing relationship. And they worked.

Within six months of getting serious about manifesting my soul mate, I met my husband, Brian, who has exceeded all my desires and expectations. He is everything I ever wished for.

Does this really work?

Well, it worked for me, and it recently worked for my mother-in-law, Peggy. After a 55-year marriage followed by five years as a widow, Peggy, now 80, set the intention of finding a companion. Within a few months, Peggy met John, who had also enjoyed a 50-plus-year marriage before his wife died. Today, Peggy and John are like teenagers in love, enjoying the joy of re-discovering big love in their golden years.

Whether you are 28 or 88, it’s never too late.

Daily prayer for preparing to meet your soul mate: God/Goddess and All That Is: In this moment, I am grateful for the healing in my heart of everything that would stop me from having my soul mate appear. In this moment, I remember that my perfect, right partner is magnetizing to me, and my only job is to rest in perfect awareness that his/her heart is already joined with mine as I savor the waiting.

And so it is.

Getting to a Well Heeled Soul

well-heeled-logo.jpg

Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free… – Steve Maroboli

Life is such an interesting thing, what with all its ups and downs, curve balls, hidden gems and surprises.  Its no wonder the whole lot of us are a walking jumbled mess.

Ahhhh the peace of inner peace!  How in all the worlds is it achieved? Well here are a few personal mantras I live by in my daily quest for inner peace (in no particular order):

  1. Find a reason to smile everyday.
  2. Spend time alone with yourself.
  3. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting and encouraging people.
  4. Try something new….just because.
  5. Don’t LOOK for love, look for life – LIVE as much as you can.
  6. Never settle (instead repeat #2).
  7. Never compare yourself to that of the next because there will ALWAYS be someone prettier, thinner/thicker, smarter, richer, healthier, sassier, friendlier, more popular, happier, etc.
  8. Be with someone who finds you to be special and treats you as such.
  9. Friends, open your world to meet new people for often they bring new perspectives  to your life.
  10. Listen to the universe for it tells you things no one else can/will.
  11. Pursue your dreams, goals, desires – which requires you to actually identify what they are (do that too).
  12. Mean what you say and say what you mean – people will take you more seriously if you do.
  13. Ask for what you want – in your friends, relationships, careers for a closed mouth does not get fed.  Besides if you say nothing someone else will ALWAYS make decisions on your behalf <—nobody got time for that
  14. Choose to deal with someone because of their CHARACTER because THAT will never lead you astray (really holds true in relationships – a man’s character will tell you a lot more about him than his car, house, or pockets ever will).
  15. Understand your worth and at all costs preserve it.
  16. Treat time like money, don’t give it away freely and only if those whom you are giving it to are worthy.
  17. March to your own beat….we all have our own theme song no need to use someone else’s music.
  18. Spend time alone (again).
  19. Be your true authentic self and make no excuses for it; if someone doesn’t get you…..their loss.
  20. Dream. Believe. Have Faith. Live out loud!!!

Getting to a Well Heeled Soul is not a one-size fits all – meaning what works for me may not work for you but what do you have to lose by incorporating these mantras into your routines (see #4 above)!

Be well!!

~Selena Dawn

 

When your shoes don’t fit……

How many times have you seen a banging pair of heels only to realize they do not have your size? How often have you sacrificed a little pain and discomfort for the sake of copping that banging pair in a half-size too small?  I’m sure many can relate and would gladly raise a hand or two.

Wearing an ill-fitted shoe is not only uncomfortable but can also lead to all sorts of problems with the tipsy-toes.  Well how bout that ill-fitted relationship?  Yeah you thought this was about the shoegame but alas my dear we’re digging deep to the damage we – yes ladies, ‘we’ – cause ourselves by staying in relationships that are ill-fitted and usually for all the wrong reasons even when the signs are written all up and through the relationship.

Let’s be real, nothing and no one is perfect – goes without saying but before anyone mentioned it I figured I’d put it out first – however a relationship should at best and on most days be comfortable and consistent for starters.  Just like forcing a size 8 into a size 7 creates discomfort if not pain, forcing a man to be with you through trickery, lies you tell yourself, neglecting your worth, ignoring his actions which says he wants something else, damaging your self-esteem and securities (to name a few) creates much of the same.

What He SAYS vs What He DOES

Love that does not come freely should not be a love that you want.  Now that does not mean that the first sign of struggle or challenge you throw in the towel, no quite the opposite you should fight for a love that is worthy.  Both parties though must be fighting FOR and not against the relationship for it to be a fight worth having.  If a man proclaims his feelings for you yet his actions show he’s still hung up on an ex or ‘looking’ for other women/encounters then his word should not carry ANY weight.  Ask his intent and make your decision.

True Story:  You’re in a relationship (together) and he says he wants to be with you yet he only sees you when it’s convenient for him, on a whim, in spurts.  He spends more time with or interests in an ex or BM or ex-wife or any of the other ladies of leisure.  Umm, I’m gonna say he only wants you when he wants you – for convenience sake – and not because he wants to build something with you or is really feeling you.   Ask his intent and make your decision.  Do NOT spend your time investigating and researching if he’s already showed you his intent…..move on.

If a man says he doesn’t want to be with you, believe him.  Choosing to still entertain him because he has a weak moment only hurts yourself.  When we choose to engage in situations where it’s clear the other person has other plans then saying to oneself that “I’m just getting what I can” or “he got that goodgood” is selling yourself short and in most cases setting you up for something you’re not prepared to handle.   At the end of the day, we all want to be loved and to be wanted.  To convince yourself that you are does not make it so.

Valuables and Worth:  The choice to be with another is just that – a CHOICE – and one that each should make willingly.  Please understand the difference and ensure you too are ready and not just filling a void.

Look and Listen

Let’s face it, everyone “of a particular age” has a little baggage – baby mommas, exes, friends w/bennies (i.e., old shoes we no longer wear nor like) but there are some key signs to heed if only women would listen.

In the beginning of every relationship time must be spent learning each other and figuring out who you are together and individually. But if there’s one thing I know (and have seen happen that says so much) it is the moment when a man shows you who YOU are to him and just how much drama he tolerates.

True Story:  You’re dating or maybe living together and his ‘baggage’ by chance disrespects you let’s say.  This could be in the manner of seeing you both out and getting a little too friendly with him or baby momma coming over (was gonna say calling his home but who except for me has a home phone these days) and being rude to you.  Your 1st response is probably to get rowdy and reeeeead the chick but I have news my Well Heeled Soulsters……you will learn alot about the type of dude you have by what HE does.  He should address the situation at that moment and in no uncertain terms.  A man who does not defend you in such fashion says alot not only of his character but the type of guy he truly is.  I have yet to have to defend myself against  man’s “baggage” and never will (unless they are ‘coming for me’ which is a totally different situation).

I know someone who was remarried (the guy) and had a child with his ex-wife (1st wife) yet when the ex called the house and was a little rude, the chick did NOT go off as she could have, no she assessed the situation and listened.  The guy, who was and remains the perfect gentlemen politely informed his ex-wife that he would not tolerate her disrespecting his new wife and family.  Just like that.

Valuables and Worth:  Do not fight a man’s battles as he should be fighting yours.  Know that once a man stops trying your relationship becomes a party for 1 – YOU!  If you’re in a relationship just to be alone or lonely then why not just be ALONE.

So would you rather a shoe that fits or one that breeds discomfort and pain?

~Selena Dawn

Wardrobe Choices like Life Choices we make

We pass through this world but once. Few tragedies can be more extensive than the stunting of life, few injustices deeper than the denial of an opportunity to strive or even to hope, by a limit imposed from without, but falsely identified as lying within. – Stephen Jay Gould

 

images (2)It’s one thing to lie outwardly about your outfit but something totally different and must drastic  is to lie internally to oneself.  In life and one’s life journey, we will encounter numerous of interactions i.e. “relationships” with another person.  Note that this is not limited to those JUST the intimate ones but any interaction with another.  What is baffling to me after many recent conversations with random acquaintances are the lies we apparently tell ourselves, the ‘concessions’ we make just to deal!  Yet the end result is just more hurt, pain and disappoint.

There is something to be said for having a well-rounded life with varying interests, people you can have a good time with, passions/events, activities you can engage in which all lend themselves to creating a life bigger than yourself thus enabling you a diverse arena to expand upon who you are.

When we throw all of our apples into one thing – a man and especially one who was not worthy of such commitment to begin with we feel loss, we in fact lose most of our control and power.  The last thing we want to relinquish power on is our being in this world.  We must first acknowledge and make peace with exactly WHO we are as individuals inside out; we must know and understand our worthy – that we are worthy; we must make the decisions that have our best interests at heart (not in a selfish way but a responsible where everyone ultimately benefits).  Let’s focus on controlling that which is in our power and allow the rest to happen according to the life plan.

broken silhouetteWe can lie about our outfit; the designer, our shoe size and no one will be the wiser but when we lie to ourselves or others about our relationships we are prohibiting ourselves healing and subsequently moving forward holistically!  I had a conversation with someone today who had been taken to through the ringer (silliness) but continued to lie to herself about her relationship.  Meanwhile, he has moved on, living his life, and continuing to treat you  he has yet as you’ve regained our ‘sight’ you realize now you deserve more.  To get more it should not include spreading this baggage to the next without taking time to cleanse, to rid yourself of what was.  It is not about forgetting as much as it is about acknowledging, making peace and knowing that ‘we’ will do better; that we will not satisfy the pains of the last with more pain from the next.

Like choosing a bad outfit, if we just ignore it vs understanding WHY we chose those pieces we’d be doomed to repeat it.  In life, if instead of embracing the pain and transgressions in hopes of doing different we will continue to pick the same Outfit selection.

There truly is nothing worst than being out in a bad or less than desirable outfit….can ruin a whole night!

 

– Selena Dawn