Love is…..

Love inexplainable

 

 

Love is 24/7, not JUST Valentine’s Day!

 

 

 

 

There’s truly NOTHING better than LOVE!

The feel…..

The sound….

The look….

The touch of LOVE!

Unfortunately LOVE seems to be elusive for many yet sought by all!  Let me challenge you this Valentine’s Day 2014 to first figure out how to love yourself and in that you will ALWAYS be surrounded by LOVE!

Happy Valentines

 

In the end, only 3 things matter:  how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let got of things not meant for you.  ~ Buddha

Advertisements

Codes of the female kind

As a woman, one will travel through various stages of the female life-cycle:  girl, young woman, woman, lady, etc and through each phase the mind evolves as well (or should).

Just as men have their ‘man codes’ there are codes women should follow (as originally written by E. Jean with added commentary).  These codes can be seen as nothing more than guidelines to how we treat and respect each other.

 

Basic Lady Codes

Now these things should come in the introductory female gift bag once one reaches puberty:

  • Never hate a woman you’ve never met.
  • Never date a friend’s ex.
  • Never reveal another female’s secret.
  • Never leave an inebriated friend alone at a bar.
  • Never invite a friend’s enemy to a party <—this is really petty to do and benefits no one especially when said enemy shows up and is the life of the party, most fashionable, and down right serving up the business in a friendly way.
  • Never dine alone with a friend’s boyfriend (unless it’s his last meal and he’s being shot at dawn) <–one would get a pass too if it’s a business discussion or planning something for the friend WITH the boyfriend.

 

Advanced Woman Codes

These are comprised of things that friend-girls should not cross as part of the unspoken womanhood creed:

  • Never stay silent when a friend is falling for an asshole.
  • Never favorite a best friend’s bon mot.  Always retweet it.
  • Never trust a girlfriend who dates a married man.
  • Never refuse to write a recommendation for the offspring of a friend (no matter how big of a joke the kid may be)
  • Never steal your friend’s thunder at a dinner party – when she’s on, give her room!  Pound the table!  Bang your glass with a spoon!  Laugh the loudest at her story!
  • Never give your friend’s business four stars on Yelp.  Always give it five.
  • Never agree when a friend says she’s flabby, baggy, saggy, lumpy, floppy, veiny, squishy, scrawny, etc.,  etc.  Tell her to shut up. Tell her life is too short.  Tell her to eat, drink, and be merry <–we beat ourselves up enough, no need to have our friend agreeing.  Surely there is ONE singular kind thing to be said.

And finally……..Never treat other women disrespectfully:  It gives men ideas and in many cases permission to do so if they’re those type of men.  All in all, women should always have a set of rules they live and love by all in the name of being their very best self!

Be well!

What are YOU bringing to the table?

Ahhhh the expectations of dating and meeting a mate in this new dating world or shall I say what one partner seeks in the next.

You’ve heard them and probably have your own “what I want in a partner” requirements:

God-fearing, tall, dark, independently wealthy, kids/no kids, a certain age, swirly, exotic, never been married, passionate, chivalrous, have some business about themselves, independent, and so on and so forth.

What I have found interesting of late is just how many of ‘us’ with these so called “partner wishlist” who themselves aren’t exactly bringing much to the table.

Case in point:  With the turn of the tables wherein women are breadwinners, go-getters, paving the way, and living their lives, I’ve heard single men constantly speak of the desire to have a woman who is independent, productive be it in school or with a job/career and doing/living well.  HOWEVER these same men are the very ones living hand to mouth, whose lives are in shambles or say bringing less than what they themselves are seeking in another while having just their own ass to wipe.  Huh?

Men are not alone however.

Case in point:  I’ve had single female friends with a long laundry list of wants and desires in their potential mate.  We’ve all heard it from one friend-girl to another – I want a man who makes a good living (some have the nerve to put a 6-figure tag on it), no kids, never married, drives a luxury vehicle, lives in this type of home, has this type of career, likes to travel, blah blah blah.  YET this same friend-girl is bringing NOTHING even close to this to the table.  Exsqueeze me???

Or, my favorite has been my friend-girls who focus solely on the materialistic things (which in today’s society with all this easy access to everything most people do unfortunately – not I but I digress).   Materialistic things say nothing about the person except perhaps they have expensive tastes.   I’ve long been a proponent of looking at the character of a person as character is WHO someone is no matter the situation which in the end will always tell you more about how they would be as a potential mate. Remember, just because a man has a nice car doesn’t mean he’s financially stable; no more than a man with say expendable cash will spend HIS expendable cash on you.  We have to dig deeper in our quest to pair up with another and usually, no it must ALWAYS begin with ourselves.

So the message here is simple, we need to take stock in ourselves by first being realistic about who we are, where we are in lives – our own lives, what we have to offer (really), and what truly matters to us at the end of the day.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more for ourselves or others but realistically you are probably more likely to attract the things you seek and desire if you yourself are/possess those things (ever heard how “like attracts like”).

At the same token we must be OPEN as we’re hopefully out living our lives (not just on the search for a mate) because oftentimes he/she who is for us does not always appear in the form of our ‘list’.   It’s not always WHERE a person is in their lives that matters if they have the tools, vision, desire and drive to proceed to the next step/phase of their lives.  Meaning we must know what matters and allow that to be the deciding factor as to whether a person is worthy at each step of the courtship!

What are YOU bringing to the table?

~Selena Dawn

 

Getting to a Well Heeled Soul

well-heeled-logo.jpg

Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past. Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free… – Steve Maroboli

Life is such an interesting thing, what with all its ups and downs, curve balls, hidden gems and surprises.  Its no wonder the whole lot of us are a walking jumbled mess.

Ahhhh the peace of inner peace!  How in all the worlds is it achieved? Well here are a few personal mantras I live by in my daily quest for inner peace (in no particular order):

  1. Find a reason to smile everyday.
  2. Spend time alone with yourself.
  3. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting and encouraging people.
  4. Try something new….just because.
  5. Don’t LOOK for love, look for life – LIVE as much as you can.
  6. Never settle (instead repeat #2).
  7. Never compare yourself to that of the next because there will ALWAYS be someone prettier, thinner/thicker, smarter, richer, healthier, sassier, friendlier, more popular, happier, etc.
  8. Be with someone who finds you to be special and treats you as such.
  9. Friends, open your world to meet new people for often they bring new perspectives  to your life.
  10. Listen to the universe for it tells you things no one else can/will.
  11. Pursue your dreams, goals, desires – which requires you to actually identify what they are (do that too).
  12. Mean what you say and say what you mean – people will take you more seriously if you do.
  13. Ask for what you want – in your friends, relationships, careers for a closed mouth does not get fed.  Besides if you say nothing someone else will ALWAYS make decisions on your behalf <—nobody got time for that
  14. Choose to deal with someone because of their CHARACTER because THAT will never lead you astray (really holds true in relationships – a man’s character will tell you a lot more about him than his car, house, or pockets ever will).
  15. Understand your worth and at all costs preserve it.
  16. Treat time like money, don’t give it away freely and only if those whom you are giving it to are worthy.
  17. March to your own beat….we all have our own theme song no need to use someone else’s music.
  18. Spend time alone (again).
  19. Be your true authentic self and make no excuses for it; if someone doesn’t get you…..their loss.
  20. Dream. Believe. Have Faith. Live out loud!!!

Getting to a Well Heeled Soul is not a one-size fits all – meaning what works for me may not work for you but what do you have to lose by incorporating these mantras into your routines (see #4 above)!

Be well!!

~Selena Dawn

 

When your shoes don’t fit……

How many times have you seen a banging pair of heels only to realize they do not have your size? How often have you sacrificed a little pain and discomfort for the sake of copping that banging pair in a half-size too small?  I’m sure many can relate and would gladly raise a hand or two.

Wearing an ill-fitted shoe is not only uncomfortable but can also lead to all sorts of problems with the tipsy-toes.  Well how bout that ill-fitted relationship?  Yeah you thought this was about the shoegame but alas my dear we’re digging deep to the damage we – yes ladies, ‘we’ – cause ourselves by staying in relationships that are ill-fitted and usually for all the wrong reasons even when the signs are written all up and through the relationship.

Let’s be real, nothing and no one is perfect – goes without saying but before anyone mentioned it I figured I’d put it out first – however a relationship should at best and on most days be comfortable and consistent for starters.  Just like forcing a size 8 into a size 7 creates discomfort if not pain, forcing a man to be with you through trickery, lies you tell yourself, neglecting your worth, ignoring his actions which says he wants something else, damaging your self-esteem and securities (to name a few) creates much of the same.

What He SAYS vs What He DOES

Love that does not come freely should not be a love that you want.  Now that does not mean that the first sign of struggle or challenge you throw in the towel, no quite the opposite you should fight for a love that is worthy.  Both parties though must be fighting FOR and not against the relationship for it to be a fight worth having.  If a man proclaims his feelings for you yet his actions show he’s still hung up on an ex or ‘looking’ for other women/encounters then his word should not carry ANY weight.  Ask his intent and make your decision.

True Story:  You’re in a relationship (together) and he says he wants to be with you yet he only sees you when it’s convenient for him, on a whim, in spurts.  He spends more time with or interests in an ex or BM or ex-wife or any of the other ladies of leisure.  Umm, I’m gonna say he only wants you when he wants you – for convenience sake – and not because he wants to build something with you or is really feeling you.   Ask his intent and make your decision.  Do NOT spend your time investigating and researching if he’s already showed you his intent…..move on.

If a man says he doesn’t want to be with you, believe him.  Choosing to still entertain him because he has a weak moment only hurts yourself.  When we choose to engage in situations where it’s clear the other person has other plans then saying to oneself that “I’m just getting what I can” or “he got that goodgood” is selling yourself short and in most cases setting you up for something you’re not prepared to handle.   At the end of the day, we all want to be loved and to be wanted.  To convince yourself that you are does not make it so.

Valuables and Worth:  The choice to be with another is just that – a CHOICE – and one that each should make willingly.  Please understand the difference and ensure you too are ready and not just filling a void.

Look and Listen

Let’s face it, everyone “of a particular age” has a little baggage – baby mommas, exes, friends w/bennies (i.e., old shoes we no longer wear nor like) but there are some key signs to heed if only women would listen.

In the beginning of every relationship time must be spent learning each other and figuring out who you are together and individually. But if there’s one thing I know (and have seen happen that says so much) it is the moment when a man shows you who YOU are to him and just how much drama he tolerates.

True Story:  You’re dating or maybe living together and his ‘baggage’ by chance disrespects you let’s say.  This could be in the manner of seeing you both out and getting a little too friendly with him or baby momma coming over (was gonna say calling his home but who except for me has a home phone these days) and being rude to you.  Your 1st response is probably to get rowdy and reeeeead the chick but I have news my Well Heeled Soulsters……you will learn alot about the type of dude you have by what HE does.  He should address the situation at that moment and in no uncertain terms.  A man who does not defend you in such fashion says alot not only of his character but the type of guy he truly is.  I have yet to have to defend myself against  man’s “baggage” and never will (unless they are ‘coming for me’ which is a totally different situation).

I know someone who was remarried (the guy) and had a child with his ex-wife (1st wife) yet when the ex called the house and was a little rude, the chick did NOT go off as she could have, no she assessed the situation and listened.  The guy, who was and remains the perfect gentlemen politely informed his ex-wife that he would not tolerate her disrespecting his new wife and family.  Just like that.

Valuables and Worth:  Do not fight a man’s battles as he should be fighting yours.  Know that once a man stops trying your relationship becomes a party for 1 – YOU!  If you’re in a relationship just to be alone or lonely then why not just be ALONE.

So would you rather a shoe that fits or one that breeds discomfort and pain?

~Selena Dawn

Healing Your Brokenness….


Brokenness is like a disease, if not treated it can take over your life. And often times the one that is broken is unable to heal on their own. When a relationship is ending be it a marriage, friendship or partnership it is important to take an honest look at the role that you played in that disconnect, though hard, it is helpful to go deep within yourself evaluate you and determine if there is anything you could have done differently. The different could be from the way you interacted (communication, compromising, openness, etc.)  in the relationship to just were you true to yourself in the relationship. Take ownership!

The saying hurt people, hurt people is very true.  I recently had an experience where a broken person tried to hurt me by saying something that was so untrue, outside of my character and just down right rude, that it deeply hurt me. Initially I didn’t recognize the true issue but as I told the story to one of my confidants, I realized this person is not seeing the true issue for what it is, but instead is STILL trying to find fault and blame in me for the break down in our relationship.  Again take ownership and be honest  with yourself then the healing can begin. Don’t allow someone else’s brokenness become your broken mess!
The Selena Dawn

Hello world and WELCOME!!!

You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away. – C. JoyBell C.

images (7)

WELCOME to “Well-Heeled Souls” where the heels mean nothing without the complete outfit comprised of the mind, heart, and soul!

In a time [and world] where many women have become caught up in presenting a well-rounded external appearance complete with designer stilettos paired with the latest and greatest designer duds, and faces beat to perfection (i.e., that means make-up to perfection); yet the internal outfit is a broken, battered, and worn down pair of kicks.  Where common sense is largely uncommon and women have somehow forgotten their value and worth, it became apparent that we [women] must be reminded that our stock price is not in our designer heels alone but our total package inside and out – our “Well-Heeled Souls.”

Well Heeled Souls”  is about understanding, owning, and upholding our worth in the day-to-day interactions and myriad of situations we encounter; it’s about standing firm based on who we [who we know ourselves to be] to ensure we get exactly what we deserve [read: are worthy of], no more, no less.

Join us as we explore the many ways to strut through life with a banging pair of heels but to do so Well HEALED with “Well Heeled Souls!”

images (6)

Don’t think about making life better for other people who don’t even deserve you, rather, focus on making your life the best, for yourself and those who love you.  C. JoyBell